


I Wish I Had a River

by TardisInWonderland



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Christmas fic, F/M, but also it gets better, sort of angst?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-21
Updated: 2014-12-21
Packaged: 2018-03-02 14:21:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2815178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TardisInWonderland/pseuds/TardisInWonderland
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>December made her homesick.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Wish I Had a River

**Author's Note:**

> I altered the timeline of the episodes just a teensy bit (aka pushing Jemma's great Hydra escape a little later in the year) to suit my purposes.
> 
> Inspiration/Suggested Listening: [River](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=57k_yM3wlMU) by Idina Menzel

December made her homesick.

It didn't matter that there were wreaths hung on every doorway, a Christmas tree in all the dormitory lobbies, parties and people everywhere you looked. It didn't matter that she'd called home almost every day now (immensely thankful that SHIELD took care of the long-distance phone bills), and it didn't help that most of the friends she'd ever had were right here. In fact, all those things made it immensely worse.

Jemma didn't go to parties, and she wasn't comfortable around lots of people at once. The decorations looked out of place, like they were overcompensating for the incredible pressure and stress of the Academy. Her family was still across the pond no matter how often they talked, and most of her friends really meant all of her friends.

And all of her friends really just meant Fitz.

Entering SHIELD academy at 17 years old was an ordeal in itself, even though she was initially positive it couldn't be worse than the two PHDs had been. She'd entered Cambridge at the age of thirteen and sailed through her degree courses, completely enamored with her studies and the new environment, but at the end of the day she simply hadn't made any close friends. Acquaintances, yes, but no one close, and certainly no one close enough that she wanted to go to the trouble of tiptoeing around SHIELD protocol to keep in contact with. The Academy was no different. An awkward 17-year-old left in a new place amongst people averaging a decade her seniors was not a recipe for friendship.

Except for Fitz.

Also an awkward 17-year-old with a brilliant mind and little interest in large-scale social interaction, Leo Fitz had been immediately introduced and assigned to her as a lab partner, most likely for the duration of her time at the Academy. Never let it be said that SHIELD had no concern for its potential agents... or at the bare minimum they paid careful attention to the mandatory pre-entry psych evals.

Their first hour of being in the lab together they managed to bicker for a solid twenty minutes, barely miss knocking over three potentially hazardous substances, and cause two prototypes to explode.

They bonded over cleaning.

Simmons learned that his first name was Leo and wondered if the meaning really fit, but ultimately decided it was too soon to tell. He graduated with honors from MIT, but nearly failed his first few years of school because he was simply bored out of his mind with the work.

Fitz learned that she went to Cambridge, had two PHDs in mildly unpronounceable fields (but was essentially a biochemist), and that she wasn't going home for Christmas this year.

“It's a bit strange, you know?” Jemma said thoughtfully as she peeled off her rubber gloves. After two hours and lots of dirty looks from other people using tables in this lab space, they'd finally finished cleaning everything.

“What is?” Fitz raised an eyebrow, shrugging off his lab coat.

“Not being... well, home. For the holidays, I mean.”

“I suppose so.”

“Are you staying as well?” She perked up slightly at the thought of just one other person still stranded here. Fitz slung his pack over his shoulder and made for the door.

“Yeah. Academy scholarships don't cover airfare.”

“Tell me about it,” Jemma mumbled under her breath, but Fitz heard and smiled wryly. Both were on scholarship, airfare was expensive, and after all the packing and the traveling they might have four days at home somewhere in the middle. Worth it emotionally? Possibly. Worth it financially? Depends, and they would miss most (if not all) of Christmas and New Years' Day because that was when the break started and ended.

They continued walking in silence out of the building and across the quad.

 

~xXx~

 

December wasn't as bad as she thought.

It seemed like Fitz was the only other person left on campus. Of course that wasn't actually true-- there were a few other recruits still around, mostly international ones. Fitz was the only one she ever saw, though.

They found out quite quickly after that first lab day that he lived on the floor below her, that they liked the same television shows and loved the Harry Potter books. Their tastes in tea were very different, but that was just something to have fun with joking about. The longer she was around him the more she felt... at home. They clicked, they _meshed_. It was a weird sort of mesh, how all her curves and loops seemed to fit exactly with his odd angles on an incredibly psychological level, but it _worked_.

They spent Christmas together that year.

“What are you _doing_?”

“I'm _knitting_ , Fitz!”

They sat on the futon in her dorm room, curled under a thick blanket and watching the snow fall outside the window. It was a pretty rare occurrence in this part of the country, or at least that's what most of the American students told them. To Jemma and Leo, it felt a little more like home this way.

And at some point in the middle of all this, Jemma had produced a pair of knitting needles and a ball of yarn from midair, Fitz only noticing when her elbow started brushing against his with her repetitive movements.

“Out of all the hobbies I thought you might have, _knitting_ was certainly not one of them,” he chuckled. Jemma swatted his shoulder playfully, but continued her work.

“Don't knock it! Knitting is incredibly relaxing, and never underestimate the importance of a well-knitted scarf.”

“It takes so long, though!” Fitz mock-whined. “Why on earth would you ever want to put that much effort into _yarn_?” Jemma just shrugged in response.

“Like I said, it's relaxing... and maybe if you're good I'll knit you a jumper someday and prove to you the value of good knitting.”

“I'll hold you to that, you know.”

“Oh, I bet you will.”

 

~xXx~

 

December wasn't really bad at all.

Sometime during their third year at the Academy they were called into the main office with Agent Weaver. No one quite knew why, but there were murmurs going around the school. FitzSimmons had botched something up, FitzSimmons was being recruited for a top secret project, FitzSimmons this, FitzSimmons that...

In fact, it was really _just_ FitzSimmons.

As soon as it had gotten around to psych services that they were together so much that the _and_ between their names had been dropped entirely, they called them in to investigate a possible codependency problem and found plenty of issues to report. Agent Weaver didn't seem overly concerned, though. She gave them the mandatory speech about fraternization with other agents (meaning that if there was something beyond friendship going on and someone found out, they would most certainly be assigned to different teams) and sent them on their way.

_We would truly hate to split you up._

“You don't they they would, do you?” Fitz asked.

“What? Split us up?” Jemma hadn't even really considered the possibility. “I don't think they would. We're too good together.”

“You're right. We are.” He smiled and she felt like the sun was shining, even though it was cold and gray outside.

“Have you figured out plans for Christmas yet?” she asked, looking away from him to watch the clouds. It looked like snow later.

“None yet, except they'd better involve you.”

“Same for me,” Jemma said, grabbing his gloved hand in her own. It was nice to have someone like that, who you could just trust was going to be around when you needed then, who would drop everything for you, and to know that you would do the same for them in a heartbeat. “We are _not_ cooking a turkey again this year, though--”

“Agreed, agreed!” Fitz held up his hands in a kind of surrender. “That was a disastrous experience and I have sworn never to repeat it again. No pumpkin pie either--”

“Nope! Cross my heart.” She drew an X over the center of her chest with her fingers. Holiday dinners tended to be terrors for them, especially the Great Quasi-Thanksgiving of 2003. That was a story for another time, when Americans who usually celebrated the holiday _weren't_ around to laugh at their mistakes.

“Hmmm... does chili sound safe enough?” Fitz suggested.

“I think so. And we can bake cookies--”

“And skype with our families--”

“And watch Doctor Who.”

“It's a plan!” he declared loudly. One or two students passing by on the way to class turned to stare for a moment, but didn't pay him too much mind.

 

~xXx~

 

December was her favorite month.

For once, they actually had some time off. Now that they were full, _paid_ agents, they did get a little vacation time (even if it was on-call vacation), and could most definitely afford airfare back home to spend a few days with both their families. They planned on spending Christmas with Jemma's parents and New Years' with Leo's mum, and then heading back for headquarters shortly after.

However, that _did_ involve being able to get on the plane. Due to the snowstorms, their flight was delayed, and they were stuck in a New York airport for at least a few hours. It might be all night- hopefully not, but it _might._ They eventually wound up playing cards and drinking hot chocolate while waiting on the plane, which turned into sitting impatiently on a small sofa in the terminal, which turned into Jemma dozing against Fitz's shoulder.

She woke with a start an hour or so later, still sleepy but alarmed that they might have missed the flight entirely. Her panic slowly faded as she realized she was leaning against Leo's shoulder, curled against him like a cat with his arm around her.

“Shhh, Jem. Go back to sleep. There's another few hours till we take off.”

She shut her eyes and curled back into him almost instinctively, and when she woke she wouldn't remember what she'd mumbled.

“Leo?”

“Hm?”

“I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you.”

A pause.

“That rhymes.”

“Shut up.”

“Me neither, Jem.”

 

~xXx~

 

December was horrible.

It was supposed to be Christmas and family, keeping the people you love close by. Instead it was painful memories of Fitz in a coma, sitting by the Christmas tree alone with a mug of tea, and turning off the Who special after the title credits rolled. It was a lonely little apartment after the Hydra Christmas party (three weeks early, by the way), wishing for her family at S.H.I.E.L.D., wishing at the very least that she could call her parents, but even that was out of the question. She couldn't risk endangering them more than she already had.

So she watched the Christmas lights flicker on and off, tried to read a book, and tried not to think about the one person who always made it feel like home wherever she went. She still kept her knitting needles around, had picked up the old habit after she started working undercover. The methodical motion allowed her hands to stay occupied and her mind to go blank as she worked, and it brought her a little peace.

However, there was nothing she could do to fix the lonely ache.

 

~xXx~

 

December made him homesick.

Jemma had finally come back from her undercover work, and two weeks after her return it still didn't feel right to be around her. The Christmas season made it worse, too. Just because the Playground was home now didn't mean it felt like it. He wanted to see his mum, but he knew it wasn't possible. He could call, but that was about it. People made sacrifies for S.H.I.E.L.D. all the time, and this was but one of his many sacrifices.

He felt a gloom settling over that he couldn't shake. When he looked at the Christmas tree that Skye had insisted on setting up, he felt hollow. The presents slowly accumulating underneath made him feel empty. The lack of anyone to truly talk to made him uneasy, and he wasn't about to run to Jemma about it. He couldn't.

So, rather than sit around and stay confused, Fitz decided to turn in early.

When he walked into his room that evening, there was a small package on the bed. It was messily wrapped in crumpled Christmas-themed paper, with a small bow tied to keep the paper from falling out of place. Fitz blinked, surprised. He couldn't think of anyone straight away that might want to give him a Christmas gift like this. Skye was too busy fairy dusting the place with endless blue glitter (“ _Christmas magic_ ,” apparently, but in actuality just a craft store wand and LOTS of blue-glittered jingle bells) and refusing to bring out any presents until Christmas morning. Coulson was too busy to do anything just for him, he wasn't close enough to Bobbi or Hunter and Mack or May certainly wouldn't...

He almost let his mind wander to the one person left in the base who _might_ , but stopped himself just in time. Simmons was... Simmons. He didn't really have an incredibly appropriate adjective at the moment, and that had nothing at all to do with his recent problems finding words.

Curious, he opened the package as quietly as he could, folding back the paper to reveal a dark blue jumper. It was soft, looked warm, with one stripe in a slightly lighter blue around the cuffs and neck. It was thoughtful, certainly, but...

As Fitz picked up the jumper and let it unfold, a small card fell out and tumbled down to the floor. He picked it up slowly, turning it over to read the familiar scrawl on the front.

 

_I promised._

_-Jem_

 

December didn't really make him homesick, did it?

Or maybe it did, because really, wasn't Jemma his home?

 

~xXx~

 

When he finally found her she was sitting in the lounge in front of the Christmas tree, a mug of tea in her hands. They didn't talk much, because somehow they both knew that talking it out now might ruin the moment of silent apologies, but he hugged her close and they both cried. They fell asleep in the lounge, their faces still wet with tears, and if anyone noticed the tangle of limbs on the sofa in the morning, no one said a word.

“Jemma?”

“Leo?”

“I'm sorry.”

“Me, too.”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> So this was my first FitzSimmons fic. I know it was kinda short, but I wanted to do some character things, so thanks for reading! These two have kinda stolen my muse for the time being.
> 
> Also thanks to my dear friend Hailey for the inspiration for the Evil Glitter Wand of Christmas Magic.


End file.
